You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Randomize
