Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
