I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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