I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
