How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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