I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
