I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
