That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
