My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
i wish my penis had a tongue
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
