i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Randomize
