I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
You can't just leave with hair like that
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
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