Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I AM VODKA MAN
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Randomize
