My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Randomize
