the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Randomize
