She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
