Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
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I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
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Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
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