Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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