just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize
