I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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