The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize