I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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