Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Dicks are not precious.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
