we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Randomize
