Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
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