I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
