If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
