Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
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