I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
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