Dignity is for republicans.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
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