I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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