Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
