Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
