I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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