im six kinds of drunk right now
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Randomize
