Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
