dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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