Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
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