in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
