do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
