that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize
