It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
