Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I came so hard my ears popped.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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