my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
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