Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
