I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
He keeps bees of course he's weird
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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