So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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