I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Randomize
