i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
