I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
