Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Randomize
