Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
My Higher Power is John Stamos
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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