She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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