I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Dick very happy bro
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
