we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
