he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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