you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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