why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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