Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
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