I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
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