Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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