I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
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I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
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there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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