I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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