Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
