Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
