Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
