I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
