people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize