Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
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Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
i now understand why vodka
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize