dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Randomize
