I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
