I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I didn't notice because vodka
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
