im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
