Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
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