i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I still have a little drunk in my system
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
