Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
