do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
