Christians are straight up FREAKS
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
