Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
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