Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
It's like God shit irony all over that family
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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